Well, it’s 5:30 in the morning. I just had a wonderful night of conversation and coffee with Justin and Molly at Ihop. We talked about everything from blogging, to cooking… to the war in Iraq, President Clinton… Man, caffeine does wonders to your brain. I was listening to a CD on the way home that Molly made for me containing a mix of songs by a group called the Decembersists when I got some strange inspiration from their folk-ish singing and medieval tones. I decided to write a poem (I sang it in my head to the tune of one of their songs)… So here it goes.

The Maiden

Still I press on,
Searching for that magic key,
To unlock her secrets,
And bring her back to me.

enjoy.

Do poems have to rhyme?

Open windows

These open windows,
Like broken promises
And unanswered questions
Chill your heart
And burn your soul,
Leaving you untrusting.
Fearful of others intentions.
Fear of the unknown.
These open windows to your mind.

I wouldn’t really call poetry a new interest, but my interest has been re-awakened recently. I used to write poetry and stories years ago and I thought I was pretty good at it. I used to be a lot more creative than I am now. I have noticed that the more I read other peoples poetry, the more creative I get… Or feel, LOL. So I wanted to show you guys a poem that I really like that I just ran across last night. I will hopefully add one of my own in the future, but I want to show some other poetry.. Then add my own to future entries. Here is a poem… I really like the creativity this author has.

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There’s nothing more beautiful to me
Except for you
Making my way on the town and down
Seeing familiar places, faces
In my pile of coffee grounds
The days are better, the nights are still so lonely

So it’s 5:30 and I can’t sleep… again. Since being fired I haven’t been able to sleep well at all. I lie in bed, tired as can be, but my mind still races a hundres miles per hour, and it’s just so damn lonely at night. It’s not like I think about anything specific, I just jump from one thought to another. Life, love, relationships, friends, jobs, family, Jeep, music, decisions, mistakes, regrets, etc. I have things I am supposed to do today that I want to make the best of, but it seems I will only get a few hours of sleep. This will leave me irritable, which will make the days events less enjoyable and make this opportunity to make things just a little better just blow up in my face.

So here’s another crappy random poem. No idea what it means, don’t ask.

Afraid to leave the pain of the past.
Past my heart’s breaking point.
Point of no return
Turns to times of hope and despair.
Pairing answers to questions.
Questioning myself and my faith.
Faithfulness a quality not found.
Find myself doubting the point.
Pointing out my own weaknesses.
Weak at the knees at the sight of her face.
Facing my fears with unimaginable courage.
Aging a year for every night without her.
Her memory haunts my dreams and consumes my thoughts.
Thinking these lonely nights could soon get better.
Better think again, it comes crashing down.
Downward spiral, seems like I can’t survive.
Survival of the fittest but my hearts out of shape.
Shaping my future self with experiences today.
Today is the day I change my future life.
Living in this hell, can’t last much longer.
Longing to see brighter and better times.
Time to change.

W00T!

We are back up and running here at HookedOnFonix. I moved my website from my previous host to it’s new home this weekend. My good friend Justin of JustinShattuck.com is hosting my site now and man is it sexy!

Big thanks to Justin for getting the site running after the transfer. The database was giving him some trouble but he smacked it into submission!

WE’RE BACK BABY!

I am a realist.

I do not look on the bright side of things, I do not look on the dark side of things.

I look at things as they really are.
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So I’ve been sitting at home since about 6PM trying to entertain myself. I tried watching tv but found nothing of value to watch. I finally got bored and drove to get some Subway. I devoured my BMT on wheat (toasted) while sitting back to enjoy tonight’s episode of “Lost”. After that I’ve just been sitting here looking at the same websites hoping for an update. I have randomly been walking around my front yard, then back in my house, upstairs to my room… then back outside.

Now I used to sit at home a whole lot… That’s actually what I did for nearly all of the past year. But over the past few month’s I have been going out so much that now that I’m unemployed and can’t afford the nightly outings, I’m going insane.

Does anyone have any ideas to keep me entertained? I am nowhere near tired.. and I’m about to lose it.

Get your hands off the girl,
Can’t you see that she belongs to me?
And I don’t appreciate this excess company.
Though I can’t satisfy all the needs she has
And so she starts to wander…
Can you blame her?

Tell me there’s a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there’s some hope for me.
I don’t wanna be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth.

So I was walked out of my place of employment on Wednesday afternoon for attendance issues. This of course being my own fault for waking up late, getting stuck in traffic, etc. I am going to miss my teammates and other co-workers, but I am also looking forward to something better… Hopefully

I started festivites on Thursday night with my friends Justin and Lana by going to see a friend perform at a club called “Sax.” After being extremely impressed by heavenly vocals and simply amazing drumming, we left with a now former co-worker of mine, Katie. We made our way to Arnies downtown where we had a few drinks and played shuffle board. After that we walked to a few more places before we decided it was time for some food. We ventured to IHOP at 71st and Lewis where we happened to run into the very people we enjoyed listening to earlier that evening. We hung out there for a while before Justin and I went back to his apartment for a few more drinks before I apparently drove myself home. (I wasn’t drunk, just the following events have left my memory kinda hazy)
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Sometimes i remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish i didn’t have
Sometimes i think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending i don’t feel so misplaced
Is so much simpler than change

The Rock Crumbles

“Even the rock needs someone to lean on
Outside strength soon crushes the inner weakness
Moments of hopeful glee to turn to bitter sweetness

Burdened by pressure the soul stumbles
Can’t watch her cope with another day
So much sadness, the rock crumbles

Awaiting response to a question with no answer
The heart grows weak, it’s cries turn to mumbles
It has waited too long for happiness…

I’m sorry. I can’t be your rock anymore.

The rock crumbles.”

Must be your skin that I’m sinkin in.
Must be for real cause now I can feel.
And I didn’t mind,
It’s not my kind.
Not my time to wonder why.
Everything’s gone white,
And everything’s grey,
Now you’re here now you’re away.
I don’t want this,
remember that
I’ll never forget where you’re at.

So I have had a great time with friends, and friends’ family tonight. I saw a movie, had dinner with friends’ parents, had a few drinks, drove when I shouldn’t have, drank some more, played drinking games, drove again when I shouldn’t have, saw old friends, and again some new friends. I spent most of the day occupied so all in all it was a great day.

I am excited about GeekFab launching, and having an opportunity to contribute to something that people will read and hopefully not think “God, how pathetic!” I made a new years resolution that I initially shared only with a few people but I only tonight realized why I kept it a secret… I was afraid of failing. So here goes……

I’m buying a guitar in the next month or so and I am going to try my damndest to learn how to play it. If I fail and someone thinks less of me because of it then screw them. I will give it my all and hopefully at least sound like I’m not a complet idiot after a few months.

My goal is to know how to play “The Man Who Sold The World” by Nirvana by my birthday. If I can manage to play “Be My Girl” by Jet, by that time too, then I will be completely ecstatic!

So that’s my last new years resolution. Any questions?