My Own Revelation
April 24th, 2006I know that hearts were loving long before I was here,
and I’m not the first to ever cry in my bed or in my beer.
There were songs before there was radio
of love that stays and love that goes
they were writing melancholy tunes and tearful words that rhyme,
before my time, before my time.There were songs in old dusty books of love that’s always been,
sweet lovers in their glory who are now gone with the wind.
Old fashioned love words spoken then,
keep coming back around again.
nothing’s changed except the names, their love burns just like mine,
before my time, before my time.And in the dim of yesterday
I can clearly see
that flesh and blood cried out to someone
as it does in me.
And there was some old song that said, I love you till I die,
before my time, before my time.But what the old time masters had, is what I feel for you,
love is love and doesn’t change in a century or two.
If someway they had seen and knew
how it would be for me and you
they’d wish for love like yours and they would wish for love like mine,
before my time, before my time.
All is well in my life it seems. I still don’t know where I’m going but I have come to accept some things. The semester is coming to a close and it seems I may have managed to screw up some classes again. I can’t say I’m ok with this, but there’s no way I can change it at this point. I’ll probably be taking a semester off from school to try to figure some things out in my life. I know it isn’t the greatest idea seeing that I am going to be turning 23 this summer and have yet to complete a 2-year college (insert roll eyes smiley here).
I have always told myself and others that I will be very successful in a professional business world and make plenty of money… That I would be able to raise a family in a comfortable life style, etc. I have started to realize that being in the normal business world that most people are in won’t make me happy… And that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Being happy? I am starting to think I am going to be more satisfied in life if I’m working in a field that won’t be bringing in the big bucks. Not because of the lack of money, but because the things I enjoy in life aren’t really big money industries. I enjoy working with my hands, on cars, and fabricating. I don’t want to be a mechanic, though people seem to think it would be right for me. I think I will only be happy if I’m my own boss, or leading a small business with a trusted friend/friends. I think I will end up getting by with what I have, and making my way through life being very dedicated to something I love. I know that me not being 100% assured of my financial stability will almost definitely eliminate the possibility of a life with Michelle, but I have accepted that. Some people want to have assurance that their future will happen, to a certain extent, the way they plan it… But I can’t offer that to her. Now, it isn’t as bad as it sounds. She wants certain things in life, and so do I. Our goals are very similar, but our avenues to reach the goals apparently are not. These differences will pretty much negate any efforts I may put forth to patch up our relationship and rekindle what we once had.
So once I can finally come to terms with the end of that time in my life, I think I can find some direction in my life. So things are looking up. No I’m not dating the friend I met at work, but I did at least find a new friend with whom I can enjoy spending time with. I have a feeling the rest of 2006 will most defintely help determine what path I take in life… I hope it’s the right one for me.
P.S. - In regards to the quoted text at the beginning… I’ve been told I’m ahead of my time in regards to what I want in a relationship. Where most people my age are partying, living the wild life, and loving it, I want to start settling down. Now I’m not saying everyone my age is like that, just most. It has been said that most people don’t want what I want in life until they’re 25-30…. So maybe I am ahead of my time…….. Who knows?
April 25th, 2006 at 8:28 am
Personally, age is irrelavant. I want to settle down when I know I am capable of providing a stable, responsible and loving environment for those in which I find myself around. Regardless who it is, I don’t neccessarily want to settle until I know the time is right, not the age.
I’m hopeing I can accomplish this before I turn thirty, but who knows..
April 25th, 2006 at 2:53 pm
Very true Justin. I don’t think age is the deciding factor either, I just don’t want to be doing what I’m doing right now in a year or two. That is regarding my single lifestyle…. I actually prefer a much more quiet life… but oh well.
April 25th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
I think you’re trying to find anything or anyone to occupy your time. Mostly because you want to detour your brain from its current route of imagination. I guess its something you could do, but it could cause problems later in life — I dunno, I read into what you write more than you actually deliver. I guess it is just because I know you — and we’ve had conversations about the subject..
April 26th, 2006 at 7:00 am
Scott, I really enjoyed reading this post. I read it yesterday and then had to let it digest before commenting. You are definitely on the right path about doing what makes you happy in life as far as your career. Success is not about how much money you make, but how happy you are with your decisions.
I want to suggest that you don’t need to take the summer off to make any decisions. I really think you need to finish this 2 year school. Imagine there are 2 boxes in your brain…accomplishments and failures. ‘Things I did’ go into the accomplishments box and ‘Things I didn’t do’ go into the failure box. When we feel low we start digging into our failure box to prove to ourselves what real failures we are, so we need to have as few items as possible in that box. Of course, you can always dig something out of the failure box, complete it and move it to the accomplishment box but why let it sit there at all if you don’t need to…it will only haunt you.
Bottom line, I like where your head is now much better. Keep up the good work!!!
April 27th, 2006 at 10:47 pm
Thanks Donna.
It’s not really a matter of me wanting to take a semester off, it’s a matter of me being on academic probation because I screwed up last semester. So I might not have a choice. I’m kind of a jack of all trades, but master of none. I want to go and finally get my certifications for I.T., but I also want to learn to weld a bit better. I have a lot to do, all I need is time and money.
June 20th, 2006 at 8:35 pm
[...] I said a while back in a post called My Own Revelation that I would not be happy in a regular business job that meant I would be working in a field that would not bring in any money. Well, I have quickly realized with my new job that it is not so. With the growth of the sport of rock crawling there is a huge boom in the offroad industry. I am certainly in a good position to enter this field and have a successful career. Unfortunately someone took what I said in that post a little to seriously and wrote me off for future relationship purposes. Oh well, I say… If money is more important to them than love and a happy relationship I wish them well in their quest to find enough love in the money to make them happy… I wish you the best. I, on the other hand, will keep on searching for someone who is not a gold-digger, who will enjoy being with me through the good times and the bad on my to the top. I had to leave her behind, hence the lyrics at the top of this post. I WILL have the things I want in life, I WILL have a loving wife and kids, I WILL provide for them the way my parents have provided for my brothers and I, and I WILL NOT be a failure. [...]