Well, Monday was Memorial Day but I still had to work. I was lucky enough to get out early so I could enjoy spending the day with friends. I went to Nick and Justin’s house in the afternoon and helped prepare for our cookout. Casey, Gonzalez, Nick and I got the grill ready and prepared the food. Read the rest of this entry »

I hope she knows I got this memory
that won’t ever seem to break or bend
a thick lock and sheetrock is on my windows in the kitchen
I dont think I’ll ever take them down again

and I’ve learned a lot from all these break ups and make ups
and fuck ups and fake ups
things that I wish you could comprehend, yeah comprehend
but for now I’ll lace up these wingtip shoes, boys
and I’ll go and have breakfast with my good friends

Well, tonight I found out that my ex decided to end things with the guy she has been seeing for the past year and a half or so (since 2 days after she left me). I understand that she is upset about it and I really hate to know that she hurts. She is really broken up about it, and I just have to wonder what makes it so hard to leave him and what made it so easy to leave me? Now, her response would be that she had been thinking about leaving me for a few months… but I know she’s been talking about ending it with him for close to 9 months. Read the rest of this entry »

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There’s a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say you that you love me just to put in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space?

I’m sober now for 3 whole months
it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart
is the one thing I won’t touch again
And in a sick way I want to thank you
for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself,
you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions
on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself
when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away
that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart
to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m slipping back into negativity, but trying my best not to. I am back and forth with liking my job, and absolutely hating it. I am so tired of being on the phones it makes me sick… but It’s hard to find a job that pays that well, and has the hours I want. I’ve been hanging out with Nick a lot lately, and sometimes Justin too, which has been a ton of fun. Read the rest of this entry »

The time has come to say goodbye,
We’ve shared great memories, you and I.
My heart is heavy as I leave your side.
Remember me fondly, like a friend who died.
And so I bid you a loving farewell,
Don’t wait for me here, I’ll see you in Hell.

I’ll never understand some people. I fail to comprehend what makes people do some of the things they do. Some people will intentionally hurt other people for their own gain, and not think twice about it. Read the rest of this entry »