Change

Have you ever been so lonely,
No one there to hold?
Pull me in or disown me,
And then climb inside.
My arms are open wide.
Have a look inside.

It is not that I am scared to learn,
Why I’m empty inside.
hold my hand or show some concern,
If I live or die.
My eyes are open wide.
Help me look inside.

I hear the water drip from the faucet.
It’s sweetly falling in tune.
I’m gently closing the closet.
I fall to the floor,
and crawl to my room.
The thought of ending it soon…
Just let me sleep in my room.

Hear me cry! cry! cry!
I hear a knock at the front door.
Don’t come in!
I try to look at you
But I can’t stop shaking.
Leave me alone. Just go away.
Mother I’m so scared.

Empty bed and all of the sheets are gone,
They’re wrapped around me and you.
All is quiet but the drop of a gun.
I want to belong…to someone…
But maybe life’s not for everyone.

I quit my job today. I know, that’s a great way to start an entry, huh? I have been very unhappy doing what I’ve been doing so I needed a change. I was sick today so I stayed home from work and at about 5:30 a friend of mine asked me to come work with him at his shop. He does custom fabrication and automotive work and that is what I have been thinking about doing for a while. I’ll get to work in a very relaxed environment with friends, drink a little beer sometimes, learn to weld a bit better, and get to work on my jeep some too. I’ll be taking home more than I am currently, but I’ll be working my ass off for it. All in all it sounds like it will be a great deal. I start in the morning.

I’ve been going through some tough times personally lately. I’ve accidentally set myself up for disappointment several times recently, and I have felt the repercussions. I’ve tried to stay on top and not let myself get negative and depressed again but it seems like an uphill battle. I’ve been around friends a whole lot lately which has been good. We all poke fun and say somewhat harsh things but we all know we’re joking so it helps me not take things personally. I’ve kept my temper under control lately too. I still keep going back to the usual things I feel I have failed at and sadly, they’re things I can never go back and change and can never do anything in the future to make them right. I guess I have to learn to live with my regrets, and learn from my mistakes. I remember not having any regrets, but I guess life just has to screw with you sometimes.