More Indecision

Yesterday I went outside
With my momma’s mason jar
Caught a lovely butterfly
When I woke up today
Looked in on my fairy pet
She had withered all away
No more sighing in her breast
Smell you on my hand for days
I can’t wash away your scent
I’m a dog then you’re a bitch
I guess you’re as real as me
Maybe I can live with that
Maybe I need fantasy
Life of chasing butterfly
I’m sorry for what I did
I did what my body told me to
I didn’t mean to do you harm
Everytime I pin down what I think I want
It slips away
The ghost slips away
I told you I would return
When the robin makes his nest
But I ain’t never coming back
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry

Is it just me or have the holidays lost their magic? I remember as a kid everything seemed more pure….. now they’re just so commercialized. I just have no holiday spirit anymore.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about where I will be going and what I will be doing with my life over the next 4 years or so. I have to say it is the first time I have seriously planned this far into my future. I was originally going to the Marine Corps infantry, because that’s what I thought I wanted to do. Once my family and friends found out I was bombarded with negativity about the decision. Everyone wants me to go into another field, and preferably another branch. I am now talking to the Air Force about a Cryptological Linguist position. I have been telling myself that it is a good decision for me because it will give me opportunities for a career outside of the military, but I don’t know anymore. I am starting to wonder if I am looking into something that I could still live with doing, simply because it is because what other people want me to do. I want to make my family happy…. but I know this is supposed to be about what I want to do, not about what other people want me to do. I want to be in infantry. And believe it or not, I want to go to war. Everyone tells me that I’ll just get sent to Iraq and get killed…. But I can honestly say that I am willing to accept death if that’s what happens to me. It’s part of being a Marine…. I just don’t know what to do anymore.