Pleasure turns to the pain of the lessons learned from the strain of the questions burned to my brain, about whether love is humane in its touch.
These thoughts are salmon swimming up stream in the tears of your deceit, fighting the current hurt that kills more than is created by the chaos of our intertwined emotions.
Chaotic because the anchor of arrows has been plucked from the vessel of my undying infatuation.
Separation not as simple as the distance between us, my mind no longer possessed by the demons that had been the overseers of my enslavement to your lies.
The seeds of these lies rooted so deeply they have cracked the foundation of what we once shared, allowing the faith in us I once sealed inside to gush out like a river.
Ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts as violently and brutally as if it were a baby being taken from his mothers arms.
I am left surrounded in darkness but I refuse to be swallowed by it.
My loneliness like the night air invisible to the eye but obvious to the touch in its cold uncomfortableness.
Yet if I could do it all over again I would do it in the same skin I am in.
To lay down and let love die, to stay down and let love lie, no no not I.
I will stay around and let love fly.
Even though I have seen its darkest form, deceit.
Nothing else could be this warm, feel this strong and taste so sweet.

I hope you read that… I really, really do. Read it and put some thought into it.

I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions the past week. But this poem pretty much sums of my feelings. If you read my last entry you know I had a decision to make regarding my future. I was able to discuss my decision with the subject of my last entry and actually got results. It was the first time in two and a half years that we could be straight forward with each other and be honest about everything… It was quite refreshing. I was given a ‘no’ answer to any possible future between us which, although it came after I had already made my decision, was nice. Honesty was a very refreshing change.

I leave in less than three weeks for boot camp and I have so much to do. I have to clear out my storage unit, see all my friends, and get my bills squared away. I’m nervous, but very excited to start a new life. Not that I will be forgetting those who are in my life now or anything… I just know that in 5 years, there will be very few of my friend still here. I will miss them all very much while I am gone.

So I guess this post was just to give an official update on my decision.

I am leaving.
I will be a United States Marine
I will be back, someday.
And I will have a better life because of my decision to do so.

So, I’ve been lying in my bed trying to sleep for the past three hours with no luck. My mind is going a million miles an hour and I can’t get it to slow down. I’ve had an interesting night to say the least.

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